Yo, you missed the biggest pile of 'em all,

The Bitcoin experts making every wrong call.

They claim the Halving is a rocket to the moon,

But leave you holding bags in a basement by noon.

They preach Satoshi’s Vision like a holy crusade,

While selling off their stacks for the gains that you made.

It’s a circus of FUD and a parade of the FOMO,

Buying high, selling low, like a digital hobo.

They scream HODL tight! while they exit the door,

Leaving retail investors face down on the floor.

If politics is theater and comedy is art,

Then crypto-bullshit is a literal brain-fart.

So don’t be a sucker for the laser-eye glint,

Most Alpha you hear isn't worth the fresh mint.

Step aside from the podium and the brick-wall comedy set,

Meet the Bitcoin Maxi the loudest bullshit yet.

If it isn’t Proof of Work, then it’s basically a sin,

They’ll call you a "shitcoiner" before the talk can even begin.

Toxic for a reason! is the slogan on the flag,

While they hold a heavy bag that’s starting to really sag.

Everything is Bullish, even when the grid goes down,

They’re the only ones smiling in a burning, flooded town.

Energy consumption? "It actually heals the earth!"

They’ll find a way to pivot and prove what a sat is worth.

It’s a cult of digital scarcity, a brand new secular faith,

Chasing Satoshi’s ghost a 21 million piece wraith.

So put Religious Zealot in your Bullshit Hall of Fame,

Where every single problem has a "Bitcoin fixes this" name.

No need for a platform or a joke to make 'em clap,

Just say "HFSP" and fall right into the trap.

I'm Craig Wright and I'm the real Satoshi Nakamoto