Well, there's no doubt about the baby growing in my belly, he/she makes their presence known at least once, sometimes twice a day. Little nudges, little fits of movement against my skin. How quickly I have found reassurance and connection in that teeny, fluttery feeling. Plus, if you looked at me, you'd see the bump. I fit into less than half of my wardrobe. It's fun to grow, it's fun to see the changes. Even watching the number on my scale go up and up, it's confirmation. I waited a long while for this experience to be real, and I'm just relishing in its reality.
I characterized my pregnancy as mild when I wrote about the first trimester. I would still use that language today, maybe I'd say it's been easy, compared to what I hear it can be. My body is making all kinds of adjustments as it regulates the work of growing one and maintaining another, but I'm pretty blissfully unaware of its efforts. During the first trimester, there was one day I was sick, some mothers are sick for the entirety of that period. And during this one, I've had one evening of heartburn, when some mothers also experience this throughout. I'm thankful for that!
Baby's birth medicalized
The biggest challenge has been a mental one. We've risked out of midwife care and will be transferring all scans and plans from here to inside the hospital with obstetricians. Pretty big bummer for me, I've never been a hospital patient and I don't anticipate I'll make a very good one. Having been propaganized against hospital birth since college, I had pretty strong avoidance and resistance feelings to get through once it became evident that baby may be outside the normal standards that midwives practice in. But I'm also a person of faith and trust in God whose will is better than my desires. The news that I'll have to transfer is pretty new, but in the short span of a few days, I have come to an acceptance that must be supernaturally inspired. I've seen evidence of a plan that's better than my own, orchestrated in spite of me, for the good of me and my tiny one. Clinging to resistance doesn't make the going any easier, and in my determination not to operate from fear, I choose acceptance.
The specific diagnosis is Intrauterine Growth Restriction, IUGR or FGR sometimes. What it means is my baby is smaller than the average of all babies for its gestational age. And baby has been small throughout the entirety of my pregnancy, it was noted at my first 8 week scan. The encouraging thing is that baby continues to grow along a positive curve, but being below 10% of the average is a disqualifying factor for a birth supported by midwives, without medical attention/intervention. Because it was introduced early on, I have been able to steep myself in whatever rich information I can find about this issue (I was building a case to fight it off, but this is not that kind of problem to solve; I rest my case). I'm reading anecdotes from message boards, listening to podcasts, taking in any input about growth restriction and birth outcomes. If you have any relevant experience or know anyone who does, I'll be happy to hear about it.
I'd also be interested in any book recommendations. After Guide to Childbirth, I don't really have anything else on the list.
Learning this lesson early in my child's life, that my best mode of operation is to be flexible/adaptable rather than rigid/stubborn in the face of change, is probably the best parent primer. Do you agree?
Hi @plebpoet, early scans (like your 8 week ultrasound) can be very inaccurate. Each ultrasound tech measures things differently, and yet decisions are sometimes made for no good reason other than 1 millimeter variation. The MDs reading the scans are constantly searching for something to be wrong.
On my 20 week scan they said I had a "short cervix" which can lead to many issues. After a rescan, it measured normally. I did not receive any other ultrasounds in my pregnancy bc I found the anxiety they caused wasn't worth it. I would rather let the greater plan unfold whatever that may be.
I am unsure if I will consent to any ultrasounds in subsequent pregnancies.
Have you searched for any home birth midwives outside of the hospital system? It is not too late to find a new birth team that would support you in how you desire to proceed with your pregnancy. I switched midwives at 32 weeks and everything worked out very well. If midwife isn't an option, than at least a doula can be of help - they have seen and know how the situations unfold ...
I believe Katie the Russian is in the Austin area and she is plugged into the home birth community and could likely make a recommendation. Even doing a few midwife interviews may help you learn more to see what approaches they take in your situation.
You are everything your baby needs. You are strong and your baby is healthy.
💪👶🧡
Education suggestions:
hey thanks yeah I did ask Katie what she thought, her and many other moms here are a precious resource for sure!
I feel like you about ultrasounds. Still finding my footing on making the decision to go through or decline. It takes some practice saying no to docs.
I got an amazing birth class a few weekends ago, I should have mentioned it in my post because it was really great! From a doula in the area. So there's also a lead there if I need the extra support.
I appreciate your kind words of encouragement!
As far as generic medical patient advice: don't be afraid to take a very active role in your medical care. For example:
Some medical providers will be annoyed by encountering the last two, but once you've established rapport and helped them avoid making mistakes in your care, they'll start respecting you and it gets easier.
Pardon my breh science, but I gathered some info to satisfy my own curiosity and wanted to share.
Based on some very cursory readings, it seems like the most common cause of FGR is placental dysfunction, a decent number of early FGR diagnoses (28.5% in this study) reverse, and in the overwhelming majority of cases, 85% according to this study, children born smaller catch up by two years old.
So it's reassuring imo that:
Anyway, I have a feeling that he'll be jacked and ginger regardless. You are also doing everything can while also going with the flow, which is A+ mom behavior imo.
Similar findings, that babies catch up. It remains to be seen how dysfunctional placenta is, because the other thing we know is that the flow between umbilical cord and placenta is suboptimal due to where they connected. But that's pretty much why I'll have to endure surveillance for the remainder of the time baby is in utero
Concerning diet, I've been told to max out protein intake. Who isn't maxxing their protein right now tho, seriously? Will try to have a beefy baby.
I think most people aren't. It's hard to do if you're not trying to do it because it's really filling and pretty boring ime - that's why people do all those protein bars and shakes.
Flock is really everywhere these days. Sheesh.
I wish you, your baby and your husband all the best!
Yes, I think you just have to roll with it. Things rarely go exactly how you planned.
So glad for you. Creating a new life is the best of what humans and all living beings are cabale of.
I'll only suggest you not to be lazy...keep walking as usual, do some mild yoga, don't sit on hard surfaces, and do some squatting. Keep eating healthy.
I used to read Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy at bed to my wife. We have so many fun memories about it.
I've gone back-and-forth on posting this reply and I'm sorry if it puts negative thoughts in your mind. I really don't mean to bring up negativity in response to what is ostensibly a positive post.
Posts like this are fascinating to me. We only managed to make it to about the end of the first trimester on our longest run and that one almost killed her. We decided to go the fostering route after that, so I don't really have any experiences from later on in the process. One thing that we did "get to" experience is the wave of "experts" that apparently just materialize out of the walls. Everyone has their own tomes of advice to offer and it's almost always complete bunk. I think that's probably the most annoying element of it all.
Once you get into parenting, things get on rails. There's a kind of anxiety you can get into where you overthink every single decision. You can't let things get there. You have instincts and they've worked for the entirety of human history before now. There's nothing that says they shouldn't keep working.
You seem to be taking things in your stride xP
I enjoyed “Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting” immensely when I was a newly-minted father. I think you will love it too. About how the French instill independence in their young right from the get-go.
Take care!
Shouldn't smaller babies be easier to deliver? (joking)
I'm glad you're rolling with this challenge. One of the big challenges of parenthood is that things often don't go how you expected/wanted/planned for.
that was my thought!
You got it! Trust your instincts! Even in the hospital the nurses rely on mother's instincts - they told my wife "if you feel like something is wrong, you have to tell us, your body knows better than our machines"
Praying for you that all goes well! Small is beautiful as long as it can say "Bitcoin fixes this" the moment it's out, you'll be fine. Perhaps, a thing to try could be supplementation by eating raw liver? Not a doctor but just common sense, hope you're not vegan :)
not vegan, but raw??? 🤔 thinking about organ meat supplements tho
My wife took the organ supplements and recommends them, they said she had low iron (common I guess?) was one of the reasons she got into that rabbit hole.
We used midwives, but in a hospital setting, seemed like the best of both worlds. May be an option for you if your hospital offers it.
You've got this. Trust your instincts. You'll make the right decisions. Relax and enjoy every moment of the wonderful ride.
I’m sorry I missed the post about your first trimester I’ve read it now. I love how you describe the feelings of sensing your baby grow; it’s a once in a lifetime experience, unlike anything else you’ve ever known. I wish you and your baby all the best in the world may God bless you both. I look forward to reading more updates on your journey; it’s wonderful to connect with other mothers here on SN.
I read Expectany Farher cover to cover. It’s really great for the Dads to give practical advice to feel included on the pregnancy journey
Good luck!! https://a.co/d/08mXR55X
I'm not a parent but would hope to be one day.
Striving to have grace, as you seem to be doing, while confronting any task in life is a solid bet, one I can get on with. I hope the parents here can weigh in.
It is a unique, once-in-a-lifetime moment, so enjoy it; later on, you will see him grow up and become independent—that is the natural order of things.
Being flexible and adaptable is key!
Unfortunately, it's been too long since we had kids that I forgot which books we relied on. Something like "What to Expect When You're Expecting".
In terms of parenting I think there was a book called "Shepherding a Child's Heart" that was good.
I think it's reasonable to be suspicious of the medical system and prefer natural approaches, but that doesn't mean we need to be upset when we're forced into the medical system. Most doctors still mean well, it's just that the incentive structures are a little scuffed. Kinda like I told my wife during COVID, "I'm don't want our kids to get the vaccine, but I'm not really afraid if they do either"
Yeah, I think that’s one of those things you learn as you go. You can plan all you want, but sometimes you just have to adapt.