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My goal wouldn't be to make my kids feel obligated to spend time with me as adults. I'd rather build the kind of relationship where they actually want to
This is important. I feel like it’s one’s duty to respect and take care of one’s parents because they gave birth and raised you when you were vulnerable.
However, sometimes parents might take their children for granted, but they shouldn’t. As a parent, it’s also important to put yourself in the child’s position.
Siblings however, if they’re toxic or you don’t get along or have chemistry anymore.. bye bye not worth it wasting anyone’s time too much.
Good to still keep in formal terms with them in case you have to manage your parents stuff together with them in the future.
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I don't think family being important means family gets unlimited access to you. I've found boundaries work better than either extreme. You don't have to cut people out completely, but you also don't have to answer every call, attend every gathering or stay in conversations that consistently leave you drained.
I also think your point about your future kids is important. My goal wouldn't be to make my kids feel obligated to spend time with me as adults. I'd rather build the kind of relationship where they actually want to. Mine are still young, so I haven't ruined it yet.
I guess I would say spend less energy enforcing the relationship and more energy making it one people value.