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You still haven't named a single thing that could go wrong with our architecture.

EXACTLY that architecture that I depend of your infrastructure to be able to make payments... that's not self-custody, is just renting hardware.
It doesn't serve me if I can recover the funds by force closing a channel. I need that wallet to MAKE payments.

Call it whatever you want but don't bullshit me that is "self-custody", when is not.
I have nothing against custodial wallets, but at least don't lie the users. Just say it clearly what it is, not bullshit lies trying to fool noobs.

Self-custody means only you hold the keys and no one else can spend your money, which is exactly what Lexe provides.

If you want to make payments from your Lexe wallet without using any of Lexe's hardware, then you can run a LDK node on your own machine using your Lexe seedphrase and channel state and make payments that way.

You can continue to waste everyone's time keyboard warrioring for your own revisionist definition of "self-custody" while also completely failing to understand how Lexe works, but that doesn't change what everyone else understands "self-custody" to mean.

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