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Thanks for the feedback and yes, I'll definitely prioritize meeting in person asap.
I think on the kids front, it is something that she did want, but that she now says she is OK with not having due to age. I don't think that necessarily changes the inherent desire but at the same time I imagine it may be OK as I'm not necessarily what is causing her to sacrafice.
In terms of number 4, I am open to relocating. My work is extremely flexible, she has a traditional office job in person. But spending time together prior to moving in together is still challenging as it would be flights back and forth to see each other, so your point is well taken.
Thanks!
Can I ask you a follow up here?
How important do you think physical/sexual attraction is in a relationship? We have since met in person a few times and while I don't find her ugly, I do not find myself very attracted to her.
We've been physical a few times and it was OK, not great. I don't feel a strong desire to even kiss her for example, she usually initiates physical contact/activity.
It is quite strange, but I actually think I like her more when we are apart and speak on the phone. We can speak for hours about anything and everything. But I don't have a yearning to see her or be with her in person.
The thought of "breaking up" with her is challenging because I am not the most social person and she has filled a large gap I feel like I've had in my life the last handful of years.
Perhaps I just need friends to help fill that gap and then need to find a partner I'm more excited about?
You cite four potential issues:
I assume you all are meeting up because you connect on other things, but because you focused on the negative, it's hard to tell if there are pros that may outweigh the cons.
If I were you, my biggest concerns would be (3) and (4). If she wants kids and you don't, committing to each other means one of you is also committing to sacrificing something significant. (4) also reduces the chances of a relationship working as the relationship is inherently inconvenient; afaict this is only ever overcome by incredible alignment/attraction in other dimensions.
IME you won't really know how compatible you are until you meet in person. Back when I was dating, I learned pretty quickly that whatever digital relationship I had with a person was not predictive of how well we'd get along in person. I started meeting in person as soon as possible as a result.