I am feeling something I haven't felt in a very long time. When my daughter was born, the first month was a strange transition from being an individual with no serious responsibilities to a first-time mom. Adapting takes time. Just when I reached the peak of motherhood knowledge (or so I thought), a new level would unlock and I’d have to start from scratch—understanding new sleep routines, learning the different decibels of her crying, new sounds, skills, and needs. I felt lost at first from not understanding and having to wing it just to do a halfway decent or acceptable job, feeling frustrated for not measuring up to what is expected or what "should be." This happened to me every month during my daughter's first year, which is normal because children experience accelerated physical and mental growth during their first two years. The last time I was in this situation was about 6 or 7 years ago (my daughter is now 9).

I write these words with a lot of nostalgia in my heart. Once again, I feel in limbo, lost, without clarity; everything looks blurry. This level is the hardest one I’ve played so far, and I am well aware that it gets even more complicated down the road—anyone with adult children or teenagers can attest to that.

The window has now opened to seek psychological support; nothing severe, but definitely necessary. The dilemma of unwanted friendships... this moment is the preamble to review and analyze the parenting you’ve done, your skills as a parent, and the phase where you can still fix certain patterns you've instilled, reinforce what you've done well, change what doesn't work, and improve. I feel so much tension, pressure, and stress—it’s like I’m running somewhere and can’t find the finish line. Whether you speak, act, or react one way or another, it seems like it will cause some trauma or similar bullshit in your kids anyway. If you scold them, raise your voice, use the wrong adjective, if you were too soft, if you were strict, if you spoiled them, supported them or didn't—it doesn't matter, it's all the same, you caused a trauma. Tantrums are no longer about your child throwing themselves on the floor because they want to eat from the blue plate and you served it on the green one. Now, tantrums, tolerance levels, empathy, and respect are seen when they socialize with their friends. Teaching the art of patience, communication, and boundaries is a challenge; you’re supposed to have been doing it for years, but they start acting differently—they imitate you and they imitate their friends. This stage defines the type of attachment style they will have in adulthood, among countless other events. Of course, I am speaking from my own experience, because every life, child, and person is different. And right now, I am on the edge—questioning, analyzing, and thinking about how to surf this level. In the end, the hard part isn't raising a child; the hard part is educating ourselves, unlearning and learning, and giving to ourselves while we raise a little person.

At age 9, children enter what the Child Mind Institute describes as a metacognitive state. This means that:

Self-awareness ("The Self"): They leave behind the concrete thinking of childhood to develop abstract and critical thinking. For the first time, they realize they are completely separate individuals from their parents, which generates a mix of melancholy and insecurity due to losing the protection of early childhood.

The fall of the "Perfect Parents": Scientifically, it is observed that at this age, their perception toward their parents changes. They no longer see you as an infallible being, but as a human. That is why they question you, imitate you, and test your reactions.
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