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From the excerpts it seems quite shallow.
I mean, not everyone is motivated by keeping up with the Jones's. There has to be more interesting things that could keep people up at night in such a society.

Furthermore, it reads as if the characters are outright obsessed by it. They're bound to be unhappy in any system, abundant or not.

And finally, the section about the slack expressions and unfocused eyes... well, that's a reality already. Only with the additional "burden" of having to hold a device.

obsessed by it. They're bound to be unhappy in any system, abundant or not

This is it. Not a system problem, a meaning problem... Follows you in every economic world, past or future

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